I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
