She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
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