I think my fart just growled at me.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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