I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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