Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
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