I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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