Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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