dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
