Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
