I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize