did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
