get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
This is my gift to your gina
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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