you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
