I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
