I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
