Dude my mom stole all your condoms
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
