Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Randomize
