I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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