yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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