Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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