matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
