i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
