she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
We are two peas in an std pod
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
