I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
