I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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