My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I deserve this hangover.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
