I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Never underestimate the power of titties
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
