If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
i need some magic done to my vagina
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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