Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize