A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Randomize
