My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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