Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
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