Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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