I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
