Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
