i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
