I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Randomize
