Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Randomize
