He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
