i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
