Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
