You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
