five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Randomize
