then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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