I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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