It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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