I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
