Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
