Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Randomize
