Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
