we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize