in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
