If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
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