I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
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