brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
