In America we eat man semen.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
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