i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
