Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
