The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
