I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Randomize
