Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
