FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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