Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
