Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
