That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
