i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
